Angels of ’97 Ministries News
(February 2006)
Good morning all! We had
our 2nd Angels meeting of the year last night.
We spoke about the upcoming Easter Holiday. We were short some friends last night and we
all mentioned how we were thinking of Lynelle &
Bea and that they were in our prayers.
Jane mentioned at our last meeting how hard it was for her, just a
month ago when they cut down the tree that was right there were Laura & Mandi had their car accident. Jane said that the workers who cut down the
tree took the ribbon from it and very respectfully tied it to another tree and
left a small stump there where the tree used to be. For her it was such a hard moment to see the
tree gone. That was at the time, now we
realize it may have been a blessing. We
aren't sure of the person's name but a young lady was in a car accident on
Jo spoke about how differently some of us grieve. It's so much easier for some of us to
"pretend" not to think about devastating moments as if we are
supposed to get back in to grove of "the norm" and keep on
going. For others we feel that it we
talk about it and feel the grieving process then we can get through our day
better. Some of the moms wondered if it
was more difficult for the circumstances based upon a child's death as
well. They wondered if it felt different
to a mom who had to gradually see their child's health get worse before they
let them go as opposed to a child who was taken instantly in a car
accident. Some parents prefer that it
happened instant so that they did not have to watch their children suffer,
while other parents felt grief because they knew ahead of time and were able to
spend more time with their kids and cherish every single moment with them
before they left us.
One of our members noticed a beautiful white cross on Hwy 21 near
where Sasha's accident took place. It's a white cross with an angel carved out
of the top and it had a red ribbon tied around it. We want to take the time to mention that
March may be especially hard for Teresa as she comes up on the time of the 1
year anniversary of Sasha's death and we want to let
her know we are thinking of her.
We were wondering if anyone had heard anything about how the Readling family was doing.
Someone thought the 15 year old daughter was already back in school and
another heard she was still have major complications so we wanted to know how
they are doing. We will continue to keep
the whole family in our thoughts & prayers.
Sherry mentioned that the year that Mandi
& Laura had their accident was on palm Friday and that they way the
calendar fell, this year, the anniversary of the girls death would fall on palm
Friday again, just like it did that day.
She said it seemed to make you feel it all over again, that it was just
a feeling, like a smell or a touch. We
will be thinking of Jane & Sherry and their families as the girl’s
anniversary approaches in April.
Mary will also be coming up on the 12th anniversary of Gwen's
accident March, 11th so we want to remember her family at this time as
well. Julie Gaddy
expressed to us how she just coped with the anniversary of Kate's death on
February 6th. Please know that you are
not alone and that we will always be here for each other. We mentioned last night that we wouldn't know
what to do without the support we all get from one another.
We will not have
a ministries meeting in March this year.
Instead we will have the 10th annual Angels of 97 spaghetti dinner to
attend. We ask that all the angel
ministries families bring a picture of their "angel" to the dinner so
that we may place it on a table with a few words about them in order to honor
their memory at our event. Please see
Jane if you have any questions regarding the dinner or the ministries table. We hope to see you all there, mark your
calendars for Saturday March 18th.
(November 2005)
We had a large group attend
the meeting this month. We even had our
first male attendee. We said a prayer
and our hearts went out to the family of Jacob Earnhardt who passed away
tragically earlier in the week.
Jane read a story from the
book Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul titled Remember with Courage. It told of a young woman who lost her husband
around Christmas. She explained the pain
that was felt when she & her children were buying clothing for her husband’s
funeral and the lady at the cash register just assumed that the nice clothes
meant she was getting a jump-start on the holidays for her Christmas
shopping. She mentioned how that year
they placed a picture of her husband on the Christmas tree and declared it
their Christmas Star that year. From
there we all tried to come up with ways to cope through the Holidays.
A lot of the parents
mentioned that they had to alter their traditions after the death of their
children. Jane said that when Laura was
alive they always had a live Christmas tree.
She said that since Laura has been gone they have opted to have a
non-living Christmas tree. She also said
it took 4-5 years after Laura was gone to finally start putting out Laura’s
ornaments. Most of the parents still put
up their children’s stocking and have their own way of stuffing them with notes
and small gifts for family members. Jo
said that her family still has not out up a tree since they lost Matt but she
mentioned that over the Holidays, such as at Thanksgiving, when her family
meets, they light a candle at the spot in front of where Matthew would have sat
to honor him as a new tradition. Lynelle mentioned that her husband found the courage to
write letters to Zack’s friends to let them know nice things Zack had said
about them, to make sure they knew how much they meant to Zack.
We mentioned how hard the
little things were, like how to sign Christmas cards now. Jane says she signs her name & her
husband’s and then they have a little angel sticker they place on the card for
Laura’s signature. A lot of mom’s still
haven’t gotten back to sending out Christmas cards. Someone mentioned that they sign all the
family’s names and then beside that they put in memory of with their child’s
name.
Other ideas that were
mentioned were: Have a living Christmas tree, which you later plant as part of
your remembrance. Visit a nursing home
just to talk; it’s surprising how much someone who cares can help brighten
another’s day. Give presents to your
departed child’s friends, they are grieving too. Place a special ornament on the tree in
memory of your child and start an ornament collection in your child’s
memory.
All family’s agreed that you
never get back to “normal” after a loss that you just have to change what
“normal” means. They also agreed that it
seemed much harder after the second year.
The first year you have an overwhelming support group of family and
friends to help you get through but after that first year, everyone else has
gone back to their “normal” and you don’t get as much support as you did
before. We mentioned the poem about how
it feels like there is a white elephant in the room that no one wants to talk
about.
Rachelle & Jeff played a
tape of their daughter, Tabitha, singing when she was around 13 years old. She sang the part of that World, from the
Little Mermaid movie and it moved most of us to tears. What a beautiful voice, we were all honored
to be able to hear that tape. What a
treasure that it to have!
Jo had some angel ornaments
for all of us. She even found some in
pink & some in blue. Those of you
who have looked for boy angels know how hard it is to find a boy angel. Thank you Jo, that was so thoughtful.
Several of the mom’s wanted
to do something in memory of their child to keep their spirit alive and do
something special for someone this
We also want to invite
EVERYONE to the Angles Candlelight Ceremony that we will be having at
(April 2005)
At tonight’s meeting we
started out with a prayers for some of the newer family’s that we have been in
reach with. Our thoughts go out to the families
of Michael David Duni Jr, Sasha Nicole Knox, and Ryan Marshall Yoho.
Jo brought up how beautiful
Julie’s necklace was. It’s a gold heart
with Kate’s picture engraved in it. She
mentioned how special it was to her and from there we mentioned other special
keepsakes that others has made of their children. Jo mentioned some stickers that some of the
kids from Matthew’s school had made to put on the back of their cars. Jane has a locket with Laura’s picture inside
and she wears it everyday and mentioned how special it seemed that the day of
Laura’s birthday it seemed as though by chance so many people noticed her
necklace that day. She said so many
people commented on it and it just made her feel as though Laura was looking
down at her that day. Someone also
commented on how nice the bookmarks were that the Duni
family had made for their son, Michael.
Mary had just recently
celebrated what would have been her daughter, Gwen’s 33rd birthday,
and she said it was such a beautiful day.
Her & her other daughter went out for lunch and sat at a table
outside because it was so pretty out.
The waitress noticed the button Mary was wearing that had Gwen’s picture
and asked her about Gwen. Mary explained
that they were celebrating her birthday and the waitress had a nice story of
her own. She had lost a cousin when she
was 16 and she described what that was like for her. We want her to know she is in our thoughts as
well. Mary saw several old friends that
day that she hadn’t seen in years. She
even ran into Gwen’s former tennis coach and they shared some moments together.
Someone mentioned how lovely
the plaque is that was placed at the corner of Birkdale & Sam Furr Rd in memory of Sally Clark & Anna Grace Jordan.
We mentioned that with Spring
break last week and Prom season starting next week that we hope other young
people can make good judgment calls to make safe decisions.
We are also trying to get together a list of
scriptures, books, poems, and any ideas of inspiration that has helped all of
us through hard times. We would like to
be able to post some reference ideas on our website for others who may be in
need. If you have any you would like to
add, please send an email Stacie Overcash-Ingle.
(February 2005)
Our last
meeting was a wonderful opportunity to understand anniversaries of our
children's departure and how important these days are to us. They seem to bring so many different feelings
out for all of us. Julie just had the
anniversary of Kate's passing and the 10th year anniversary for Jane &
Sherry's daughters, Laura & Mandi were coming up
right around the corner. We discussed
how each of us handle this so differently. It was also mentioned about the day of the
Anniversary. Like if it happened on
Monday the 4th of March and several years down the road on the Anniversary date
it was Monday, the 4th of March. This
seems to make the pain so much harder,
like you
are having to relive it.
Julie mentioned
the day that she lost Kate. Kate and
several other young girls were car-pooling on their way to a hot-dog
fund-raiser in
and gave
them back so they would have a special gift to treasure and look back on over
the years. We spoke about how some
parents who have children pass away in car accidents go back and visit the accident
site. Julie said the night of the Kate's
accident was the only time she had been there and that she had no wishes to go
back to that site for fear that she would re-live that moment. She felt more comfortable putting flowers at
the graveside. Jane was at the site of
Laura's accident and she still goes back to tend to the flowers in the memorial
garden they have there for Laura & Mandi but that
she feels more comfortable at the graveside as well.
Julie mentioned
the name of an "Angel" named Walt that read her daughter Kate's story
in the paper and was so overwhelmed by her story that he wanted to say some
words at Kate's funeral. He read a
wonderful poem that day at the service and left Kate a letter. He was given a rose that day along with everyone
that came to Kate's funeral and he said to this day he keeps it in on display
in a birdcage in his home. he takes it out every year on the day of the anniversary
date and sits it by the phone so that he remembers to call and check on Julie
and her family and to let them know they are in his thoughts.
Julie also
mentioned a book that another mom who had lost a child had sent to her around
this year's anniversary. It's a
wonderful book called: Moments for those
who have lost a loved one. Several of
the moms from our group plan to read it.
Mary mentioned
how important it is for grieving parents to be able to share their memories
with others. She really enjoyed every
opportunity to tell people about her daughter, Gwen. She was not at the site of the accident that
night so it seems more comforting to her to go to the scene of her daughter's
accident. At the same time, Sherry was
not at the site the night of the accident, and she feels the same way as Mary,
it is easier for her to tend to the flowers at the memorial where the accident
happened then to go to the graveside.
We were all
touched by how we had all suffered such a tragedy but how we all handled things
so differently. Joe mentioned how she
felt after her son, Matt's accident and what her family went through. From there her &
Jane spoke about Easter coming up. Jane
read an excerpt from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 that talks about Hope and mending a
broken heart which had a very powerful meaning.
At the end of our meeting
in closing, Julie showed us a beautiful silver bracelet that she had just
gotten. It was in recognition of the
Kristen Foundation, named after Kristen Modafferi, a
Park Scholar at NC State University and Charlotte resident (member of St.
Matthew Catholic Church), who disappeared without a trace, in 1997, while
working and studying in San Francisco, California. The Kristen Foundation's
primary purpose is to fill the void left by the
(October 2004)
We had a very
successful meeting Thursday, October 21, 2004.
It was wonderful to get to see everyone again. We all took turns telling stories about our
children. We mentioned ways that we cope
with our losses during the holidays. We
got to met a new member last night and we got some
more ideas together for the candlelight memorial service on December 3rd.
Julie Gaddy spoke about her
daughter, Kate Gaddy.
Wednesday, November 3rd Kate would have been 20 years old. We will all be thinking of Julie, her other
daughter Rachel, and the rest of her family and friends on this tough day. Kate was a freshman at
Jo Markham spoke of her son, Matt Markham. He was an avid swimmer who loved the water. A lot of our families remember him when he was a lifeguard at the Wedgewood subdivision pool. He was away at UNC Wilmington at the time of his accident on a jet-ski. December 1st will be the 6th anniversary of his death and we will have his parents, his brother Max, and their family in our prayers as well. The last time he had spent with his family was the week before on Thanksgiving so we realize this will be an especially hard time for the family. Matt's favorite color was orange so we have so many little things that remind of us him this time of year.
Our newest
member just crossed our paths last night.
She was actually coming to the church to pick something up and we got to
talking and lucky for us she decided to stay for our meeting. Her name is E Barbara Wells and she spoke
about her brother, Dean Wells who passed away from a car accident when he was
19. Dean was a local radio announcer
years ago and was on his way to announce a baseball game when he had his
accident. His birthday would have been
the day before. One of the topics for
discussion at the meeting was to find someone who could play the music at our
Candlelight memorial service and we think there was a reason Ms. Wells, who is
a Pianist/Organist just happened to stop by last night. :0) It was our pleasure to have her join
our group.
Mary Franks
spoke on behalf of two people last night.
The first person we got to hear about was her daughter Gwen Stroud. Monday, Mary had played in a golf tournament
at Finley golf course for the
Mary also spoke on behalf of a dear friend, Ester who lost her son Danny to car accident when he was 18. October 21, 2004 marked the 7-year anniversary of his death and Mary asked that we keep their family in our prayers as they go through this hard time.
Our Angels
Ministries Leader, Jane Bolton, was there to facilitate the meeting as
well. Not only did she help us talk
about our children and soothe us with prayer and guidance, but she also spoke
about her daughter Laura Barnette. She brought up the little everyday things
that make us think of our children. We
spoke about how every time she sees a Sunflower she thinks of Laura, because
they were her favorite flowers. Laura
would be 26 this coming January the 9th and Jane spoke of how hard that is to believe. She
also mentioned that she didn’t realize until recently that because of her own
loss she never fully got to grieve over the loss of her very dear friend, Mandi. Since Laura
& Mandi were such close friends, she was like a
part of the family to Jane as well and she said some very wonderful things
about Mandi.
I hope we can all benefit from the time
that we share. We will continue to keep
everyone in our thoughts and prayers.